Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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