so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
