he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I woke up under a house in Key West
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