Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
