ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
