And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
