I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
