"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
