I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
