I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
