Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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