Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
