How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
