in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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