my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
