he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
