A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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