THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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