As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
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