I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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