So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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