is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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