Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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