I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
