Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
