He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
