You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize