did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
