I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
