Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
