do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
