I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
