Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
