I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
