I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
