As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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