I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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