every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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