He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
