Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
