i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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