I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
