My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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