He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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