I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
