I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
