I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
