every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize