hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
