Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
