Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
kristin has been a bad kristin
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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