I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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