The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize