if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
