I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
