sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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