Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
