hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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