I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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