he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
my shit smells like andre
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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