If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
