A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
