I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
