when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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