Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
