I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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