Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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