i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
