I hate your face
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize